(Breather) Cleaning up your act requires you identify and then eliminate the things that no longer serve you, and these things could be anything from toxic foods to toxic substances to toxic relationships. It makes sense from a practical standpoint to start with your diet. If the big three toxic modern foods (grains, sugars, and refined industrial seed oils) are foods you still consume in moderation, from time to time, or frequently, then this episode will make you never want to consume those foods again, once your eyes have been opened to the reality of how harmful and addictive they are.

Cleaning up your act isn’t just about food though, it also means steering clear of highly negative people and situations that drain you emotionally and drag you down from a place of positivity and gratitude.

It definitely takes a lot of discipline to commit to maintaining a “zero-tolerance” policy for all toxic things in your life, but it’s also worth it. Strive for a 3 week-long, total elimination experiment to get yourself off the carbohydrate dependency train. These foods are highly, highly addictive, stimulating the same opioid receptors in the brain that hard drugs do, so it won’t be easy, but you will feel so much better after. I went cold-turkey on the Primal scene 12 years ago and ditched grains immediately, and after a short adjustment period, I realized that the grains weren’t actually what I wanted –  it was always the toppings/sauce/etc on top of, or accompanying the grains, that I enjoyed the taste of. Also, watch out for artificial sweeteners, as they trick the appetite center in your brain into thinking it’s getting something sweet, but since you’re not actually consuming anything sweet, your body will start to crave sugar until it gets that fix. Another thing to watch out for are mind altering substances. In the Hacking of the American Mind, Dr. Robert Lustig explains how when we flood the dopamine receptors in the brain, through whatever it is (sugar, grains, drugs, entertainment, pornography, etc) our body requires more and more of whatever it is that gave them that rush.

Instead, look for happiness and content through other things: meditation, a comfortably paced aerobic workout, going in the sauna if you have one, cooking a nutrient dense meal and enjoying the process and being present for it – activities like this trigger serotonin pathways, leaving you feeling satisfied and calm.

The next important step is working on your relationships. Listen to my shows with John Gray (one, two and three) which are all full of invaluable relationship advice from the expert himself, like, do not speak to your partner if you’re feeling a negative emotional charge. Also, don’t forget to examine what you’re bringing to your relationships – if some, or all of the negativity is actually coming from your side, acknowledge it and deal with it. Negativity only breeds more negativity, which is the last thing you want when you’re trying to clean up your act! Look at your relationships and nurture the ones that put you in a positive, inspired frame of mind, and let go of the ones that don’t do this. It’s all about how you feel ultimately. If you feel drained/like crap after talking to someone, why would you want to keep them in your inner circle? Brene Brown gives great advice for this dilemma: “A few moments of pain from confrontation is better than a week of resentment.”

Lastly, think about, and integrate, Deepak Chopra’s 4 Daily Intentions, into your life. I follow them daily, think about them all the time, and think they offer a beautiful framework to follow:

1) Joyful, Energetic Body. No toxic foods, people, jobs, substances, habits, etc.

2) Loving, Compassionate Heart. Everyone in the world wants the same thing – validation and attention for who they are. Be kind, supportive, and attentive.

3) Reflective Quiet, Alert Mind. This is not about maintaining eternal positivity, but rather, going with the flow and accepting things as they come.

4) Lightness of Being. Be present. Carrie Sisson wisely says: “Your thoughts are the source of all your pain.”

Thanks for listening to assignment #2 of the MOFO Mission!

TIMESTAMPS:

Dr. Loren Cordain suggests that 71% of the calories in the modern Standard American Diet comes from nutrient deficient toxic foods. [02:29]

The addictive properties of sugar stimulate the same opioid receptors in the brain as hard drugs. [04:11]

Even in extreme exercise the endorphin rush over and over is addictive. [07:11]

The basic drive for men is to solve problems, conquer the environment and be seen as a hero. And for the female it’s to nurture, love, support and connect. [09:32]

Emotionally charged discussions kill your testosterone and leave you drained. [12:09]

Females need to make an effort to come down off that masculine energy side that you acquired out in the work world. [13:34]

When you walk into a room and there’s negative energy in that room, it is contagious.  [14:18]

Men need to learn to apologize, believe it or not! You need to build the strength of character. [18:16]

Deepak Chopra’s four daily intentions are: joyful energetic body; loving compassionate heart; reflective quiet, alert mind; and lightness of being. [21:27]

LINKS:

QUOTES:

  • “A few moments of pain from confrontation is better than a week of resentment.” (Brene´Brown)
  • “It takes one person to create a shift in a relationship.” (John Gray)

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Get Over Yourself Podcast

Brad (45s): What’s up MOFO? Brad Kearns covering MOFO mission assignment umber two, clean up your act ditch, toxic foods, toxic substances, toxic relationships, and toxic energy in your life. I know this is a big assignment, some in the courage to face life’s challenges and take action instead of drift into the familiar but dysfunctional routines and ruts. Brad (2m 29s): Raise your hand if you’d know what I’m talking about, and if you’re not raising your hand, guess what? You’re probably delusional, disconnected from your own self awareness. Everybody’s fallen into all kinds of different routines and ruts, but at any time, any day, any moment, we have the capability to wake the MOFO up and start living a better life. So cleaning up your act of course, is going to start with the basic tangible stuff. And that would first be the diet, the food you put into your mouth. Brad (3m 2s): Grains, sugars, and refined industrial seed oils. I call those the big three toxic modern foods. Some research cited by Dr. Loren Cordain author of The Paleo Diet suggests that 71% of the calories in the modern standard American diet, the SAD diet come from these nutrient deficient toxic foods that were entirely absent from our ancestral example. So this is going to take a lot of discipline to get rid of those and have a firm commitment to zero tolerance, especially out of the gate. Brad (3m 38s): If your diet is yeah, where it should be right now, isn’t where it could be. There’s no shoulds in this game. It’s all about you being the best you can be. But if you still have these things lingering into your eating habits, it’s best to strive for a total elimination for three weeks, because you need to get off that carbohydrate dependency train. These foods are highly addictive and they create chemical dependencies in your brain. Read Dr. William Davis’s book Wheat Belly, Dr. Robert Lustig’s work about the toxic effects of sugar. Brad (4m 11s): The addictive properties of sugar stimulate the same opioid receptors in the brain as the hard drugs, Gary Taubes, great book, The Case Against Sugar. it’s in the same category as powerful well drugs. It’s just part of society just like alcohol. So getting rid of that sugar, getting rid of those grain foods and the gliadin protein that Dr. Davis writes about that stimulates an appetite to consume more of the same. And once you clean up your diet and get this stuff out of the way, you will find over time that it’s really easy to take a pass on it. Brad (4m 45s): I had to go cold turkey into the primal scene in 2008. So 12 years ago, I stopped eating grains at the behest of Mark Sisson And when we started working on The Primal Blueprint book and lifestyle project, and so on June 12th, I was whatever I had for breakfast, the oatmeal, the big bowl of cereal, maybe a nice sandwich with whole wheat bread for lunch, but then all of a sudden they were gone and it takes a very short adjustment period. And then you realize the grains are not these delicious nutrient dense foods that you can’t live without. Brad (5m 18s): It’s the stuff that you put on them that provides most of the pleasure, the satisfaction and the nutrient density. So getting rid of the grains. Sugars, same thing, you get a few seconds of gustatory pleasure as Mark said, when it goes down your throat, and then what? Usually we have some adverse effects that we can detect when we’re slamming sugar, most prominently being that once you allow a little bit to creep into your diet, you tend to come back for more. And artificial sweeteners are in that same category because they trick the appetite center, the pleasure center in your brain to thinking that you’re getting something sweet, but because you’re not, your brain knows and starts to crave real sugar until you get completely satisfied. Brad (6m 1s): So we should add to that list. It’s the grains, the sugars, sweetened beverages, sweetened beverages being the worst because they don’t provide any satiety in comparison to let’s say eating a bowl of Skittles. At least you’re going to have to chew through that crap. But when you drink it down, you’re going to have very, very minimal satiety. You’re going to have that glucose spike, the insulin release that makes you tired and craving more sweetened beverages. So, sorry, Starbucks. This show is not sponsored by you. And let’s get out of that realm entirely for a few weeks. Brad (6m 34s): Then the momentum will take you the rest of the way. So that’s the first and foremost thing that we want to ditch to clean up. Our act is the food that goes into our body. And we can also put in this category, mind altering substances as Dr. Robert Lustig details in his book, The Hacking of the American mind. We have all kinds of ways to hijack the dopamine pleasure reward center in the brain and provide instant gratification. These are the dopamine triggers among them are sugar, alcohol, prescription drugs, three drugs, high intensity, digital, yeah, entertainment, programming, video games, porn. Brad (7m 13s): Oh my goodness. The list goes on even a extreme exercise where you’re going for that endorphin rush over and over again. And so what these do is they give us an instant pleasure sensation. It’s very powerful. The dopamine triggers are one of the most prominent human dry human behaviors. Your drives, there are right? It’s okay. A survival mechanism to help us go out there, work hard, great things, get a little pleasure in life. But when we flood these dopamine receptors in the brain with that constant influx of video gaming to all hours consuming porn, instead of engaging in real authentic, romantic relationships, slamming sugar, every time we have a slight energy law, we flood these dopamine, the sectors such that okay, time, you require more and more of whatever the trigger is to get that same rush, that same pleasure sensation, that same escape. Brad (8m 8s): So in The Hacking of the American mind, dr. Lustig explains how hijacking flooding these dopamine pathways suppresses our ability to stimulate the serotonin pathways. Okay. The oxytocin pathways. These are, are the neurotransmitters that promote the feelings of happiness and contentment and a life well lived a meaningful, significant life. So we’re either pleasure junkies, or we do things like persevere through challenges to achieve a certain result, focus on the highest expression of our cognitive abilities, rather than just slamming through instant messaging and consuming clickbait for our entertainment. Brad (8m 50s): Yeah. So when we can kind of downregulate our obsession with the dopamine pathways, we have a fighting chance to stimulate the serotonin and the oxytocin pathways and get that sensation, those feelings of happiness and contentment, things like meditation, taking a sauna, doing a comfortably paced aerobic workout, having a nutrient dense meal that you prepare from start to finish. These are the serotonin triggers where you feel satisfied and calm and happy and all that kind of great stuff instead of just jacked up on instant gratification. Brad (9m 25s): Okay. So mind altering substances, definitely in that category of ways to clean up your act. And then we get into the fun stuff, the deep stuff, and cleaning up your act. When it comes to relationships. Listen to my wonderful shows with John Gray, the number one bestselling relationship author of all time with his Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus book franchise, and he gives this edict to the male, the male, the modern male, to be at your best, in a relationship. Brad (9m 58s): He wants you to act like a Kung Fu master to be the guy who’s calm, cool, and collected at all times under pressure. He explains that in, you know, our biology, our basic drives for the man is to solve problems, to conquer the environment, to be seen as the hero and for the female it’s to nurture love, support, and connect. And so the female’s primary biological drive is to be protected from danger by her male partner, right? And I’m making these gender generalizations, everything applies to same sex couples and everything else. Brad (10m 32s): However, this is our deepest biology. We have these masculine and feminine tendencies. So the basic template is the female wants to be protected from danger. And John Gray says the profound statement that today the greatest form of danger for the female is her own man’s anger. Oh. So she needs to be protected from your own anger. Trip out on that. So take John Gray’s assignment to never speak when you are experiencing a negative emotional charge, just shut the F up. Brad (11m 9s): That’s right. Stuff. It, I know this contradicts some of these modern evolved therapy techniques and exhortations for the male to be the best that he can be and be vulnerable and share and communicate. But it really doesn’t work when it comes to our basic biological drives. We want to support high testosterone levels. That’s why you be taking the MOFO in the first place. Don’t forget. So to boost your testosterone, John Gray says, keep your cool. Go to your cave and regenerate testosterone with these problem solving testosterone, boosting activities, such as a workout, such as tinkering with your motorcycle in the garage, even playing a video game counts and in the positive category here, something that really gets you focused and gives you a sense of satisfaction and accomplishment, as opposed to, for example, getting into a long, drawn out emotionally charged discussion with your female about the problems and the nit pickings of day to day life. Brad (12m 9s): That’s the stuff that will kill your testosterone in a very short time and leave you drained and start to get moody and edgy and emotional. And when you feel like you are falling off your game, that is a sign that your testosterone is dropping and your estrogen is spiking. So Hey, great for the female. She can talk things out at the nail salon or with her group of trusted companions to talk and talk and talk deep into the night, enjoying their glasses of wine. But for the mail, we want you to be calm, cool, collected. Brad (12m 39s): Don’t engage. When you experience a negative emotional charge, walk away for females listening or for the males who feel confident in dispensing some quick advice to the female. John Gray suggest that You express everything as a preference because nitpicking and complaining is really going to turn the man off and make him not the best he can be. It’s going to be pushing the buttons that take him away from that Kung Fu master ideal baseline and into a conflict arguing, all that bad stuff. Brad (13m 16s): And also for the female today, the rapidly evolving gender roles mandate that the female stray from her basic biological drives, which I mentioned, and instead go out there and kick ass in the workplace during the day, and then come home and be the nurturing supermom or super partner. So we have to make a concerted effort females to come down off that masculine energy side that you’re required to exhibit during the Workday and know how to relax. Unwind. Brad (13m 46s): Sometimes that includes venting to your male partner and his obligation is to indulge in what John Gray calls Venus talks to sit there and listen, validate, but don’t offer advice or suggestions, just allow the female to vent. And then also females be willing to receive support and get doted on, get waited on and that allows you to nurture that estrogenic side of you and come back into balance after a tough, stressful, competitive workday. Okay. So cleaning up our acts on that relationship side. Brad (14m 18s): And then in general, cleaning out that toxic energy that’s in your life and asking yourself if you’re contributing to it. Because remember one of the basic human nature is to commiserate. We love to commiserate. We love to engage in that negativity and complain, and it’s a way of connecting. And it’s also a way of venting or unloading from the stress of the traffic jam or the jerk boss that’s making your life miserable. And maybe your friend also has a jerk boss and you guys can talk it over deep into the night, compare and contrast, but when you’re and negativity, and when you have a negative attitude and negative energy about ya, negativity breeds more negativity, read the book Biology of Belief by Dr. Brad (15m 1s): Bruce Lipton or listen to my summary show. If you don’t have time to read or listen to the whole book, that’s what I’m helping you out here with. He contends with great scientific validation that when you walk into a room and there’s negative energy in that room, negative attitudes are emanating from human beings. It is contagious. It is actually contagious. And I think we can all reference this on a, a lay person’s level, right? There’s some people that kind of bring you down after catching up for an hour at lunch. Brad (15m 31s): And there’s some people that motivate and inspire you every time. So we want to find those connections in life and nurture those types of relationships. Because. of course. you have a huge contribution to this. So some relationships, if they bring a net negative result, a net energy draining result, it’s time to either sever those or transform those tremendously. How about a job? Is your job bringing you a negative net result in terms of energy and happiness? Oh my goodness. Time to think about these things. Brad (16m 2s): That’s called cleaning up your act. Same with family and friends. I love this suggestion from Berne Brown, the prominent author who talks about vulnerability, shame and topics like that. You can see her viral talks on Ted, or look at her many books. Braving the Wilderness, I think is her most recent “one. And she says, “A few moments of pain from confrontation is better than a week of resentment.” Okay. So when you’re talking about toxic energy, toxic relationship dynamics in your life, whether it’s with your partner, as we focused on for a bit or anything else, anyone else try saying everything with loving kindness, being honest and see what happens. Brad (16m 45s): All right. As John Gray just reminded me, it takes one person to create a shift in a relationship, and then you have to work together. Get your mutual needs, met work as a team, but it’s up to you to take the first step toward transformation. Oh, okay. So manning up, cleaning up your act. I know you’re probably shaking your head right now. Wondering, wait a second. I’m just supposed to keep my cool when I have a negative emotional charge? I’m not allowed to say my peace after my girl has been ragging on me and nitpicking about this and that, but she’s totally wrong? Brad (17m 18s): And I’m right? Oh, the answer is yes. Shut the F up. This guy’s an expert. If you don’t believe me, this is the real deal has been giving this information out for nearly 30 years. One of his Epic quotes, he says, when a man says, “My feelings are hurt this this is death to a relationship. It gives the female fear and anxiety. And that’s exactly what she doesn’t need from her strong, powerful Kung Fu master protected man. Brad (17m 49s): So an important part of this MOFO mission is to appreciate an evolve definition of a modern super duper male male optimization, extending beyond the dated macho ideals of physical superiority, conspicuous consumption, and female conquest. We have enough gurus on social media, exhorting you to crush the competition and achieve superficial victories in the arenas of self-glorification and consumerism. So let’s go a little bit deeper. Real men definitely know about vulnerability and honesty. Brad (18m 21s): And when it’s time to express yourself, you do it with loving kindness. And you’re also receptive to feedback. So it’s not a one way street. John Gray suggests that you get really good at saying stuff like, I’m sorry, I was wrong. You were right. Oh, that was insensitive of me. Sorry. I was being selfish. And he laughs and says, how hard is it for a man to say that you were insensitive or selfish? Selfish? Of course men are insensitive and selfish all the time. Yeah. So why not just admit it? Oh, great example. Brad (18m 52s): You’re accused of flirting with the waitress, by your partner at the restaurant and you get into a little tough and what’s the usual response by the tough male saying, what, what are you talking about? What’s your problem? Why are you so insecure? I was just asking for extra bread. Oh, you shouldn’t be asking for extra bread anyway, but you know the example I’m trying to paint here. Why get defensive when it’s so much easier to say, Oh my gosh, I’m so sorry. I hurt your feelings. That really was insensitive of me and leave it at that. Brad (19m 22s): Oh my gosh. Things will come around so much better. If you can just build the strength of character to do that. And yeah, if you have to fake it till you make it, I bravely asked John Gray that question during our most recent podcasts. And he says, fake it till you make it. Hell. Yeah. Guess what? From a man it’s 10 times more important to fake it till you make it. Instead of a woman, women are much better at saying I’m sorry, and all those kinds of things. So if you’re not inclined to put down your arms and stop that, ego-driven defensiveness. Brad (19m 57s): Just do it anyway. Cross your fingers behind your back. If you have to, and this is all about cleaning up your act. Another great book for a modern evolve males, David Deida, The Way of the Superior Man, listen to this quote, your woman knows your weaknesses more than anyone, and she will continue to test you at your weak spot. She wants to feel secure and make sure that you can be trusted. So you have to answer her destruction with distraction. Brad (20m 28s): So amazing. He says, when a woman’s going off on you and getting all heated up complaining about this or that, approach her and give her a hug and press your body against hers. If she resists, you have to physically lift her arms and open up her heart, not if she’s super mad, right? You understand what this guy is saying instead of, you know, fighting back and snipping back with your righteous little comebacks, go over there and physically press your body against hers. Wow! All right. Let’s reflect on that a little bit. Brad (20m 59s): Maybe try it next time and laugh off some of this silliness in life that we take so seriously and allow our feelings to get hurt, left and right. And remember, every time this happens, every time you fall off your, a game of Kung Fu master, you are looking at a testosterone crater, and you can only go to the well and swallow a few more pills. So many times you got to get it right in the first place. That’s why we’re combining the MOFO mission with all the other things, putting it all together. It might be helpful to take a deep breath, appreciate all this. Brad (21m 31s): And instead of succumbing to that disease, state of FOMO, fear of missing out live, according to what MIND BODY medicine expert Deepak Chopra says are the four daily intentions. He reaffirms these every morning doing during his two hour pre-dawn meditation. So this is just kind of a summary of cleaning up your act and keeping your cool and following these four daily intentions. I think they’re beautiful. I think about them all the time. So number one, this is from Deepak Chopra. Brad (22m 1s): Number one is joyful, energetic body. So get rid of toxic people, toxic foods, toxic jobs, toxic substances, breathe, move, nourish yourself with good food, energize yourself with good exercise and daily movement. Number two is a loving, compassionate heart. Realize that everyone in the world wants attention and validation for who they are. So be kind supportive and attentive at all times. Brad (22m 32s): That’s all any of us are looking for. Number three is reflective, quiet, alert mind. And by the way, this is how you achieve that vaunted flow state that allows you to access peak performance and achieve your potential, whatever you’re doing, whether it’s a cognitive challenge, physical challenge, you want that reflective, quiet alert mind. And Deepak made a great distinction here that really resonated with me when he said, this is different than this eternally positive state that you manufacture a to always be positive and peppy rather than just being in this more calm state, reflective, quiet alert mind. Brad (23m 14s): So the idea of maintaining eternal positivity is a source of stress in itself. So we can kind of put down that fake smile and, you know, go with the flow, understand, recognize your emotions. Don’t get tied to them and moving on, keeping that reflective, quiet alert, mind. Number four, lightness of being and what this is all about is mindfulness. Just being in the present rather than ruminating about the past or the future realizing as Carrie Sisson says that your thoughts are the source of all your pain. Brad (23m 48s): Okay? So the four daily intentions from Deepak, a great way to clean up your act and be calm, cool, and collected at all times. Thanks for listening to assignment. Number two of the MOFO mission. 4 (24m 3s): Thank you for listening to the show, we would love your feedback at getoveryourselfpodcast@ gmail.com. And we would also love if you could leave a rating and a review on iTunes or wherever you listen to podcasts, I know it’s a hassle. You have to go to desktop iTunes, click on the tab that says ratings and reviews, and then click to rate the show anywhere from five to five stars. And it really helps spread the word so more people can find the show and get over themselves because they need to thanks for doing it.

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