(Breather) Once you grab what Dr. Peter Attia calls the “low hanging fruit” of healthy eating, movement, physical fitness and sleeping habits, it’s time to progress further with health, happiness, and longevity by developing emotional control/emotional self-stability (Thank you Kris Gage on Medium.com!), by implementing effective relationship communication strategies (tips from John Gottman, Harville Hendricks, Esther Perel, and Mia Moore, aka the “Big Four” relationship experts).

First things first: stress management. Everyone deals with stress, but learning how to manage your stress and the way you react will change your life.  Your first priority should be emotional control. Self-stability is the number one relationship attribute and the number one psychological health attribute. Be aware of how your emotions can either help or hinder you in your life. Now, it may be easy for you to say: ‘Well, I’m a Type-A personality, this is just how I am.’ Well did you know the term ‘Type-A’ originated as a heart attack risk category?! Do you really want to be in ANY of those categories? Didn’t think so….so slow down, it’s going be okay.  

Another factor in stress management lies in the fact that downtime is missing: social time is seriously MIA, having been crowded out by digital stimulation. Longevity superstars, the Okinawa in Japan, have social groups as the centerpiece of culture (“Ikigai”) but in our world, people really struggle with disconnecting. My advice? To turn that $#!% OFF. Escape tech addiction and hyperstimulation by taking a low-stress approach to a total lifestyle transformation, yet with discipline and focus to your natural full potential. 

As Mia Moore says, don’t waste time sweating the small stuff! Make sure to carve out time for the important things, like taking care of yourself. How much time do you devote to self-care? Have you been too busy taking care of your kids? I contend ANYONE has time since we’re all checking our phones 150 times a day and gazing at screens for hours a day. Now, if you’re stuck in a pattern of prolonged stillness, then you’re used to having low to no energy, nor any motivation to go outside and do things. And because of this, it’s crucial that we keep moving. The good news? The more you move, the more energy you have! 

One thing that takes time and energy are relationships. Whether familial, friendly, or professional, platonic or romantic, interacting with other people and handling the dynamics that can emerge between two different and distinct personalities is never easy. But your personal relationship should never be a source of stress in your life. As John Gottman says, when it comes to partnerships, you’re either a team, or you’re not a team – at all times, and within every interaction. It’s that simple – don’t be nit-picky or passive aggressive with your partner, and watch your words. Be mindful about the dialogue you create with your partner, and how much negativity is present in your words versus positivity, because keeping your positive comments to negative comments at a 20:1 ratio, as the Gottman Institute’s research has clearly proven, is key to a healthy, happy, lasting partnership. 

Speaking of healthy and happy, Harville Hendrix has three rules to live by for successful communication in relationships. Number one is safety, number two is maintaining a zero-negativity policy, and number three is making constant affirmations to your partner. As Esther Perel says, “treat your partner like you would a great client.” Truthfully, we all deal with fear and anxiety, but it only harms your relationship when you let whatever is going on with you affect your partner in a negative way. When I had Dave Rossi on the show, we discussed fear and anxiety, and the importance of re-directing your mind and those negative, fearful thoughts over to your values and vision. Anxiety and fear are frequent visitors in daily life for most people, so instead of getting tripped up by every appearance they make, why don’t you just focus on your values, instead of trying to find the quickest way to make the pain go away? Unfortunately, in our stressful modern world, people can lose track of this. We all heard of the college admissions scandal earlier this year. All those parents who “just wanted the best for their children” are probably finding the more than likely prospect of jail time to be far more stressful than the college admissions process! Sure, hindsight is illuminating, but the point is not to have regrets, but to harness the right perspective, so you don’t react to life by coming from a place of fear and anxiety, but rather from a positive and confident mindset. 

TIMESTAMPS: 

Brad gives a quick summary of Basic Life Changing Insights breather show part one. {02:38] 

Part of stress management is getting your romantic relationship under control. [05:51] 

Relationship priority is emotional control and emotional self-stability. [06:51] 

We have to always balance this quest for peak performance with downtime and optimal stress-rest-balance. [09:47] 

Humans crave social connection.  Interact in a live manner, rather than a digital manner. [11:14] 

When you continually do things that don’t bring you joy and energy, a sense of wellbeing and peace of mind, you’re going to drift away from those. [14:30] 

Carbohydrates have addictive properties. Sugar is addictive.  [16:28] 

Gluttony and sloth are not causes of obesity; they are symptoms of obesity; [19:06] 

Try out some time restricted feeding and intermittent fasting. [21:51] 

Your relationship is either a team or not a team at all times.. [23:54] 

Try for a 5 positive to 1 negative ratio when communicating your needs. [26:10] 

Fear and anxiety come up for all of us. [30:24]

Safety, zero negativity, and constant affirmations are the foundations of a healthy relationship. [37:26]

LINKS: 

LISTEN:

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Get Over Yourself Podcast

Brad: 00:08 Welcome to the get over yourself podcast. This is author and athlete, Brad Kearns, discovering ways to be healthy, fit and happy in hectic, high-stress modern life. So let’s slow down and take a deep breath. Take a cold plunge and expertly balanced that competitive intensity with an appreciation of the journey. That’s the theme of the show. Here we go.

Brad: 04:17 Hello listeners. Yes, it’s time for part two of the breather show. Simple, basic life changing advice. Let’s get right to it. Remember where we left off. Tackling that low hanging fruit to get you most of the way towards super duper healthy. Quick summary. Step number one was get your mind right and recognize there’s a problem and an urgent need to counter the unhealthy forces of the modern world with healthy lifestyle practices in assorted areas. Number one is getting your mind right. Number two is cleaning up your diet. Get rid of grains, sugars, refined vegetable oils. Number three is move more particularly J F W just freaking walk more. Number four is get your fitness game on point with a sensible blend of comfortably paced aerobic workouts. 180 minus your age and beats per minute. Regular resistance training, strength training sessions, and occasional brief all out sprints. Yeah. Then we go on to sleep, prioritizing sleep, making it the number one health objective, always to ensure that you get enough sleep starting with the urgent need to minimize excess artificial light and digital stimulation after dark and creating a wonderful calming, dark, cool sleep sanctuary. And that was show one right there. So if you don’t have 30 minutes to listen, we covered everything in a minute and a half. Huh?

Brad: 05:51 But where to from there? So we’ve established a healthy foundation. We got the junk out of our diet and then we want to kind of escalate our commitment to healthy living by delving into other categories, particularly stress management, healthy relationships, healthy interactions, managing your emotions. So here’s some points there to pick up. Show number two, as we get more sophisticated life changing advice. Please go back and listen to the amazing show I did with Dr. John Gray. The best selling relationship author of all time with his men are from Mars. Women are from Venus book series. I also did a, uh, very handy summary Show, uh, reflections. Deconstructing my interview with him and kind of summarizing all the great advice that he gives a in his most recent book, especially Beyond Mars and Venus and optimizing hormones and getting in that healthy balance with your romantic partner.

Brad: 06:51 So under the category of stress management, we want to get those relationships under control and that starts with thank you Kris Gage relationship writer on the medium.com for this life changing insight. Number one, relationship priority is emotional control and emotional self-stability. That’s arguably the number one attribute for psychological health in general. You want to have some management control over your emotions. Easier said than done, but it starts with disengaging from that harmful subconscious programming that we wire in from ages zero to six and then operate 95 to 99% of the time from our subconscious programming in daily life. We’re going through life essentially as zombies. This concept is proven scientifically by the work of Dr. Bruce Lipton, Biology of Belief, uh, the writings of Dr Deepak Chopra talking about this concept of mindfulness. This is what it really means is being aware of your actions, being aware of how you impact others and being aware of how your emotions impact your happiness, your ability to go through life in a healthy manner.

Brad: 08:06 So emotional control and emotional self stability, thinking before you act, react, all that kind of stuff. Realize now moving onto it a little different concept. Uh, we talk about this characterization of type A, yeah, I’m a type A so I get to the gym in the morning and then I have a really busy job and I’m also the volunteer on the soccer team and I drive the carpool and I doing this and doing that and I watch a bunch of shows at night too and I’m just trying to bite off as much of life as I can chew because life is short. You might as well make it work, right? Guess what? Do you know what type A where that term came from? Type A is a term for a heart attack risk category. That is the high risk category for heart attack. That is the origination or the medical use of the term type A, would you like to be in the highest risk category for heart attack?

Brad: 09:00 I don’t think so. I don’t think that’s why you’re getting your butt to the gym in the morning and trying to live a healthy life and shop at the right stores and uh, read all the blogging and listening to the podcasting. But when you take on too much and when you go, go, go without proper respect for recovery and stress, rest balance, you fall into the type \A characterization. I don’t think it’s a surprise to know of all the healthy fit people that have dropped dead of heart attacks or less dramatic have come to demise in terms of their health, even their emotional health from trying to live this perfect high performing, highly productive modern life. So slow down, relax, take a deep breath, take a cold plunge. Sound familiar from the show intro? Yes it does.

Brad: 09:47 But we have to always balance this desire, this quest for peak performance with downtime and optimal stress. Rest balance. Of course that starts with sleep and healthy foods. But it also goes to the area of mindset, especially important today. Why? Because downtime is missing. Remember in the old days we had built in downtime. The morning paper came on the porch, you read it, and then you were done reading for the day. There was no clickbait. There was no nonstop stream of further and further, deeper and deeper articles about who’s going to get traded in the off season in the NBA or what’s going on, the latest happenings in the college admission, bribery scandal. We can go into these rabbit holes and get more information than we’ve ever obtained in our entire lives, but it can fry our brains. Literally go back and listen to my show with Dr Elisha Goldstein, mindfulness expert about the urgent importance of being able to disengage from technology at the right times and discipline your use with technology at all times.

Brad: 10:52 Downtime is missing in modern life and it’s destroying our health. So here we are in part two of the show. Yes. Get the mechanics down the foundation, but now it’s time to look deeper, develop emotional control, emotional self stability, get out of that type A category. Type B sounds pretty good to me. What about you? Try it out. Try It on for size. Once in a while.

Brad: 11:14 You know what else tech addiction is crowding out is that live interpersonal, social connection, socializing time, which has long been a fundamental element of human health and indeed in today’s longevity pockets, the great study called the Blue Zones, uh, the identify these intensely strong social networks and social support systems that are common amongst all the longevity pockets, uh, in the superstar island of Okinawa, uh, long, famed for their longevity. There’s hundreds of centenarians on this one island in Japan, and they have this concept of socializing and social connection as a centerpiece of culture. And the term is called iIkigai So you’re working your Ikigai when you get strong social networks going, you make those efforts to connect and socialize, interact in a live manner rather than a digital manner. The digital manner is certainly a nowhere near as valuable or as nurturing to our deep down a craving for connection with a fellow humans.

Brad: 12:23 So turn that shit off. I had a great show with Seth Godin, uh, the efficiency expert marketing expert and got into a little Q and A at the end where I said, Seth, you know, I’m, I’m trying myself, I’m struggling, I’m trying to write books and focus, but I continually get drawn to my email inbox or you’re reading and researching some articles on the Internet and you read more and more and pretty soon you’re not writing, you’re reading. And uh, what, what should I do about this Mr. Peak performance expert? And he said, turn that shit off, man. He didn’t say shit, but I did because it was such a clean and simple and plain answer. No handholding, no sympathizing it. Just disengage. And remember the powerful pull and the habit forming nature of tech addiction. The dopamine boost that we get every time our text message dings, every time we read and click onto another article or click onto the next show in the queue, we’re getting this short term gratification, but it’s causing fatigue and longterm overstress patterns in life. So getting that discipline and putting in some mindfulness to your daily routine where you realize that you’re going to go in and watch three shows from the hours of nine to 10:00 PM and then you’re going to get up and walk the dog and take a warm bath and get into bed by 10 45 and have these rituals in place so that they become habit rather than letting tech addiction swarm over your life and take over your behavior patterns.

Brad: 13:56 Sound Weird? No, it’s not where it’s happening every single day to every single one of us, arguably, and it’s getting worse and worse. I did a show on, um, uh, tech addiction and how the crafty, brilliant creators of technology are designing APPS and websites and social media, uh, networks to get us addicted. Get us to spend more time with them so they can make more money. It’s no joke. So choose out of tech addiction, take control of your own life and onto the next concept.

Brad: 14:30 When we’re doing this lifestyle transformation, when we’re overhauling diet, implementing exercise routines, trying to get more daily movement in of all kinds, we want to have at all times a low stress approach to lifestyle transformation. It doesn’t have to be a big drama. If you find yourself complaining or dreading your morning walk with the dog or wishing that you could have more bread in your life, it’s time to get your mind right and possibly change your approach though that it is enjoyable at all times. We see this a lot in the fitness, the exercise realm where someone is with their motivation and willpower doing the best job they can. Well meaning, well intentioned, heading over to the gym and showing up in an overly stressful class setting or working with a trainer or joining a group fitness program and getting into overstress patterns and it will last for a while because your discipline, motivation and willpower will keep you humming up to a certain point. And then when you continually do things that don’t bring you joy and energy and sense of wellbeing and peace of mind, you’re going to drift away from those. There’s not amount of willpower that’s going to keep you doing things that you don’t like to do. So when it comes to diet, we want to make sure that you’re making choices that you feel are delicious, satisfying, improving your experience of eating rather than just considering everything to be pain and suffering because you don’t have your bread or your morning slurpee on the way to work anymore. That’s key that you’re enjoying the process along the way rather than just doggedly pursuing these end goals and hating it the whole time. Now, uh, things get tough, don’t they? It’s hard to just walk away from these entrenched in lifestyle patterns.

Brad: 16:28 One of the biggest challenges is that carbohydrates have addictive properties. You can learn more about this from the best selling book, Wheat Belly by Dr. William Davis. There’s an agent in the modern wheat crop called Gliadin protein and it has appetite stimulating properties to the tune of making you consume an additional 300 calories per day because of the presence of wheat and bread products in your diet. Sugar, as you likely know, or can learn more from the great work of Doctor Robert Lustig, UC San Francisco, prominent author; Gary Taubes, prominent author, uh, also has addictive properties and stimulates the same opioid receptors in the brain that hard drugs do.

Brad: 17:15 So sugar is addictive and if you allow a little bit to leak in here and there you are promoting a prolonged addiction to sugar. So what we really need to do with this dietary cleanup, step number two, as we talked about in the previous show, is zero tolerance for grains, sugars, and refined vegetable oils, especially out of the gate for the first 21 days. It’s a very slippery slope backward when you allow these foods to remain or linger in here and there, maybe over the long term, you can be that person that indulges in a slice of cheesecake once a year at the birthday party or at the Christmas gathering. But generally speaking, when you di habituate from these addictive foods, you will no longer have that pleasure and enjoyment sensation that you do right now or you claimed to have a for your being loved and bread and a scoop of Ben and Jerry’s ice cream. You know what they put in that stuff? Oh my gosh. Look at a label and Ben and Jerry’s and just type it up online. You can see the refined vegetable oils that go in their assortment of preservatives. They pass themselves off as these hippie Vermont guys that mixed together some peanut butter into the tub and made this great ice cream. Oh my goodness. Nasty stuff. Anyway, once you break free from these addictions, you will find that other types of food, uh, satisfy you even further because they’re nutrient dense and they hit all the areas on your taste buds. And all those great things that natural foods do. Similarly, when you’re in patterns of prolonged stillness and a sedentary dominant lifestyle, you will feel more lazy, less energized, and less motivated to get up and move. So you actually have to force yourself to JFW and little things go a long way.

Brad: 19:06 So get up and walk to the mailbox in between each show on Netflix or do 30 seconds or a minute of plank position. But the more you move, the more energy you have to continue to move. Remember what I said in the first show that prolonged periods of stillness, the body is not used to this. Our hard wiring does not expect us to sit around for hours on end. What happens is we become worse at burning fat. That’s our steady energy supply. At rest, we have less oxygen and blood circulation in the brain and we start to experience fatigue, which prompts sugar cravings or cravings for quick energy, carbohydrate of any forms, so sitting equals, sugar cravings equals fat storage, equals continued sedentary lazy patterns.

Brad: 19:53 Gary Taubs has an epic quote in his book, why we get fat where he says gluttony and sloth or not the causes of obesity. They are symptoms of obesity. Get it. He Ha. So if you eat a lot of carbs, produce a lot of insulin, it will make you tired. The insulin removes energy from your bloodstream and puts it into storage. You have a lot of stored energy that would be your body fat, but you don’t have energy circulating in your blood because the insulin has removed it. When you don’t have energy circulating in your blood, you don’t feel like getting up and walking to the mailbox, let alone doing a 30 minute walk or doing an ambitious workout. It’s because of your high carbohydrate, high insulin producing diet. So with all this energy locked away in storage, but your blood stream and diminished energy supply, what happens? You crave energy in the form of quick energy Carbohydrates. So gluttony and sloth are symptoms of obesity. You overeat, you eat throughout the day. You can’t even miss a single meal because you’ll get a drop in blood sugar and you’ll feel tired, cranky. And as soon as you go get an energy bar or a caffeinated high sugar drink, you’ll feel a burst of energy, then you’ll crash again. So you’ll have this gluttony aspect of eating too much, even though you have a lot of excess fat that you could use this energy if you minimize your insulin production. That’s a bad cycle that we want to pull out of. But understanding the difficulty and appreciating that it’s not because you’re lazy, it’s because of your hormone imbalances that’s making you lazy. And you can correct those from dietary transformation and perhaps with a little bit of forced effort getting yourself up and moving. And as soon as you walk for five, 10, or 20 minutes, you experienced an increase in energy and you build on this over time. Okay? Okay?

Brad: 21:51 So if we want to make some breakthroughs to the next level, especially in diet, after we ditch grains, sugars, and refined vegetable oils, you can hone your fat adaptation by trying out some time restricted feeding is the hot term and intermittent fasting. So in other words, uh, getting your body even better at burning fat by skipping meals as is possible and always comfortable. So we don’t want you going hungry and walking around starving in the name of making it till 12 noon because that’s your practice. We want everything to feel natural and comfortable and you’re able to maintain peak cognitive function and energy without food. So you can start after you clean up your diet and get some momentum going. You can start by delaying your morning meal until you experience true symptoms of hunger. So if you can compress your eating into let’s say, a window of time from 12:00 PM to 6:00 PM or 12:00 PM to 8:00 PM, that is a great way to turbo charge of fat metabolism, uh, succeed with reducing excess body fat and also obtain a whole host of hormonal, cellular and metabolic benefits.

Brad: 23:05 We have the most health benefits when we are in a fasted state. That’s when our immune system works better, our metabolic function is better. Uh, we engage these processes like autophagy, which is the natural internal cellular de- toxification process, cleaning up junky damage, dysfunctional cells. And recycling them or eliminating them. Uh, protecting yourself from cancer and other diseases of inflammation related, uh, controls inflammation helps with cognitive function when you’re able to eat in a compressed time window or engage in intermittent fasting. So that’s kind of the next level of diet. And of course, uh, considering further restriction in dietary carbohydrates so that you can get into a ketogenic state would be the highest level of sophistication. Uh, once you build a lot of momentum in ancestral eating patterns.

Brad: 23:54 Exercise, we kind of talked about the progression from basic movement into the, uh, primal exercise habits of Cardio, Strength, Training and sprinting and relationships. We teed that up a little bit with the John Gray insights, but it’s important to be open, honest, authentic and vulnerable in all communications. When you stuff things, that is the essence of cellular damage, accelerated aging, psychological stress, bad news. Now, where’s the balance point from being open, honest, authentic, vulnerable, but not unloading every single thought and emotion and complaint into the planet Earth or into your partner’s ears or whoever you’re around, your family, your kids, people that you take your frustrations out on. As we talked about at the outset, emotional control, emotional self stability. Number one, attributes for psychological health and relationships. Success. So we have to find that perfect balance. Here’s some rules and tips. There’s so much content to from the John Gray shows from the Wendy Walsh shows and from the and more shows. I love this insight from me. More show number one where one of her guiding rules to live by is don’t sweat the small stuff, right?

Brad: 25:10 You can be open, honest, authentic and vulnerable and communication and say, I hate when you put the Q tips, uh, on that side of the sink because the water splashes on or don’t sweat the small stuff and like Carry Sisson said with that profound life advice, relationship, advice, insight that she shared with me. Uh, it bugs the heck out of her when her husband leaves the strawberry tops in the sink and she complained about it, it stressed her out. And then after a few times she said, well, this means a lot to me, but it might not mean a lot to him. He might be busy doing other things like being a great husband and, uh, doing his work and his contribution to the planet. So why don’t I just do it myself instead of keeping score and feeling angry and resentful while doing it yourself or being passive aggressive, do something that contributes to the wellbeing of your family, your community, your partnership, and don’t complain about it and don’t sweat the small stuff.

Brad: 26:10 John Gottman with that profound advice that a relationship, a partnership is either a team or not a team at all times in every interaction. And that his research can, the Gottman Institute, he, his wife, Julie, can tell with great accuracy, 96% accuracy, what direction a conversation will head from the tone of the conversation at the outset. So we have to be very careful with our choice of words. Are comportment, our disposition in a partnership, open your heart, come from a loving place. If you want to talk about the strawberry peels, a couch that in a dialogue that contains at least five to one positive to negative comments when you’re discussing something with a partner that’s again from Gottman research, they observed that long term happy couples that sustain a romantic spark and closeness for years and decades. These are couples that have gone an average of 24 years and still report being in love and everything’s great. They have a ratio of 20 to one positive to negative comments in normal everyday life. And in times of conflict when there’s something going down, they got to talk about it.

Brad: 27:27 They still preserve a ratio of five to one positive comments to negative comments. Uh, going further with some insights from Harville Hendrix, I believe, these are his three rules for a healthy, successful relationship communication. Uh, first of all, safety. So it’s a safe place to talk to your partner about whatever they’re going to be open and listen, no matter what, there is a zero negativity policy. So anything you do have to say, we can refrain from criticism or complaining tone of voice and just put it out there, uh, with level emotional control, but put the issues out on the table. Don’t have to swallow them, but a zero negativity policy. And finally, kind of like the Gottman five to one or the 20 to one ratio, constant affirmations to your partner so that that safety is sustained at all times. And you can talk about whatever. Mya Moore does a great job at this. It’s no problem to talk about anything. And we easily transitioned from some lighthearted banter about nothing to a very serious matter where there might be a difference of opinion. And then back into lighthearted banter. You don’t even know what hit you, but you do know that you’ve got issues out onto the table and there was no drama and negativity and stress because these rules are in place.

Brad: 28:40 Safety, zero negativity, constant affirmations, five to one or 20 to one ratios. You know, it district Perel says about this, treat your partner like you would a great client. Can you at least do that? Oh my gosh, we kiss ass on our clients, our customers, whoever they are. Oh sorry. I’ll get right back to you. Thank you so much. All that stuff, which is a little bit of an act, right? Cause it’s a business situation. It’s not an intimate relationship, but if you can use those same skills and apply those same guidelines to your intimate partnership, boy, you will achieve some great success. Take nothing for granted. Do you take your top clients for granted or do you call them? Check in on them. Nurture the relationship constantly. Don’t take things for granted with your partnership either listened to the relationship advice tidbits, show and get your a game going with relationships. Why so much time on this when we’re talking about basic life changing advice, because it’s a huge, huge component of happiness and especially longevity.

Brad: 29:42 We spend a lot of time in this area, in the book Keto Longevity after talking about diet till we blue in the face and hit every nook and cranny about how you should best eat to promote health. But what if you’re having a dysfunctional anger-laced reactive conversation at the dinner table? I don’t care what you ate, it ain’t gonna be no good for your longterm health. Okay, so get your relationship game going. And boy, if there’s some issues in this area, address them head on right now. Life is too short to wait or to let things linger and let’s smoke smolder. Smokey the bear says, so to put out forest fires before they become a huge fire.

Brad: 30:24 And then finally we get into that stress management category. I loved my show with Dave Rossi. Hey, Dave’s just getting started in his game. He doesn’t have a huge following, but it was one of the most downloaded shows ever on the Get Over Yourself podcast. This guy brought some amazing insights to the table. He talked about fear and anxiety and anytime you experience fear and anxiety, redirect your mindset, redirect your thoughts over to values and vision. It was a fantastic takeaway that you won’t forget. It’s short. It’s simple. Fear and anxiety come up for us all the time frequently. But you can always challenge that, grasp, hold of it, and turn the corner into values and vision. Acknowledge, accept, forgive yourself, redirect your thoughts. If you’re worried about getting your kid into the right college, go back to values and vision. Don’t bribe any college admissions experts to get your kid into something that’s not naturally meant to be or not naturally meant to happen. Will you be going to jail, Lori Loughlin? And especially when you plead not guilty, instead of accept a plea and say sorry, like the other lady, Felicity Huffman, good for her.

Brad: 31:34 I mean, stupid idea, a disgrace overall to kind of, uh, use your financial advantages to, uh, get an unfair advantage over other kids. But at least you apologize and said you’re, uh, you know, getting to live with this the rest of your life. Going to try to change, be a better person, but the people that get caught and then denied denied. Boy, that one’s tough. Who else am I thinking about? Oh yeah. The golfer Matt Kuchar who stiffed his caddy and Mexico paid him pittance. Uh, after winning a tournament and winning one point $3 million, he got called out for it and defended himself by claiming that, uh, the caddies down there and make 20 bucks a day. So paying him $5,000 was extremely generous, but typically caddies get 10% of the purse when their man wins. And so that would have been 130 grand wouldn’t it?

Brad: 32:20 So, Matt Kuchar character. But you know, what’s good about all this mess and this, uh, destruction of the fabric of society and the disgraceful behavior by, uh, leaders and celebrities. It’s going to make the world a better place when it’s all said. And because we’re awakening to these issues and problems and, uh, moral challenges in society, especially the college bribery scandal. I’m so happy to see a three legislators in the state of California, a floating a bill to the assembly to put more regulation onto these college admissions consultants. Uh, perhaps do a way or minimize the importance of the standardized tests because those have long been known to be culturally biased and also trying to do away with the, uh, legacy admissions whereby, uh, these elite institutions let in a massive percentage of children of alumni compared to the general applicant population and then don’t pay taxes on their endowment.

Brad: 33:21 That’s a little bit iffy there. Oh my gosh. How’s that for an aside? Do you hate it? Let me know. I’ll keep it tight next time. Get over yourself podcast@gmail.com. I think that’s a really good wrap up to get into some of these broader life circumstances and things that can destroy our health when they eat away at us. Uh, managing stress expertly, starting with the basics that we talked about and show one diet, exercise, sleep, but taking it to the next level and getting your relationships going. How about self care rituals? My final note here is to take care of yourself. Mia Moore does a great job hitting over to these regularly standing appointments with hair, nails, beauty, going to the salon, chitchatting, visiting. Sometimes they’ll open a glass of wine and have a social experience as well as that self care ritual and, but these kinds of things, when they’re built into your lifestyle, uh, have a great impact on your health and they’re very important.

Brad: 34:20 They’re so easy to skip and were easily a drifting into the martyr role these days. When we activate that type a tendency and go, go, go until we collapse. I see this on the breadwinner side frequently where the boss person of the family, just a, is a economic machine but doesn’t really get to partake in the, uh, the intimate family rituals that what family’s all about and the priorities are all about cause they’re too busy travelling or a crashed out watching TV because they have no energy to toss the ball around with their kids. So thank you. Uh, dads and moms of the world out there who know how to slow down, tone down that type A tendency and spend quality time with your kids, not pushing them and challenging them to get better grades or increase their test scores to get into some elite college. But just spending some time drawn pictures of dogs, man or a building, something in the backyard.

Brad: 35:13 Okay. So getting your overall lifestyle in place. Self care rituals. Uh, shout out to my other peeps, Dave Kobrine and listened to that show and his beautifully elaborate morning ritual, which does take a long time, but he puts into place this fabulous start to the day, every single day where he’s getting energized, he’s getting fit and he’s getting his mind right for a day of peak performance at work and a healthy live lifestyle. Robbie Benun and devoted listener, lifelong friend, he jumps into the swimming pool and swims in place for 15 minutes every morning with a tether no matter what year round. So he’s in that 54 degree water for, I think it was 12 minutes he lasted in there. But what a great morning experience to have that hormetic stressor of cold exposure, get a fitness response. Steve Dietch and Steve Kobrine and my high school running buddies are still out there hitting the roads in their 50s putting in work, spending time in nature, keeping that mile time respectable like we listened to in the first show.

Brad: 36:17 I’m sure they could destroy that magical eight minute barrier. Better be able to, Huh. Anyway, you’re going to tell me you don’t have time to do these important things like nurture a healthy partnership and engage in five to one rituals. You don’t have time to spend a little extra effort making nutritious meals. I contend that everybody has time because we’re all tech addicted and we put in so many hours. Seth Godin said, here’s what I do. Uh, I disengaged from Facebook and I don’t watch TV. There go an additional, I think you said six hours a day, probably quoting some averages, so that’s pretty gnarly. If you can just get away from those superficial, digital connection, social media, and engage in your community and in yourself, your self care, things will turn around for you and you’ll build some healthy habits. So there’s the one, two punch, basic life changing advice from show number one and show number two we got into relationships, quick summary, emotional control, emotional self stability, being open, honest, authentic and vulnerable in communications but not sweating the small stuff at the same time.

Brad: 37:26 Keeping these rules in place for a healthy partnership. Safety, zero negativity and constant affirmations. How about that for parent child, would that fit as well? Of course it would. Yes. Healthy Safety Interactions, treating your partner like a good client, managing your thoughts when you experience fear and anxiety, redirect them toward values and vision. Carry Sisson in her spiritual psychology background saying that the thoughts, your thoughts, not what happened to you, but your thoughts are the source of all your pain and that you always have control over your thoughts. Engaging in self care rituals and there you go. You’re all set. I know you have the time, so get out there and do it baby steps first. Make a big difference over time. Thanks for listening.

New Speaker: 38:19 Thank you for listening to the show. We would love your feedback. It’s getoveryourself.podcast@gmail.com and we would also love if you could leave a rating and a review on iTunes or wherever you listen to podcasts. I know it’s a, you have to go to desktop iTunes, click on the tab that says ratings and reviews, and then click to rate the show anywhere from five to five stars and it really helps spread the word so more people can find the show and get over themselves because they need to. Thanks for doing it.

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